Alzheimer’s disease or dementia is devastating to any family. Family members have to find a way to best take care of their loved one. Decisions like putting the person in a nursing home versus having in-home care for them and choosing a doctor and working with them on the most appropriate medications for the person’s symptoms are weighty and emotionally-charged responsibilities. Add to that the hurt of seeing your family member as just a shell of whom they used to be and the financial burden of healthcare: so many issues….no easy answers in sight.
But what about the Alzheimer’s or dementia patient? What are they going through? Most people have no idea if or how much their loved one is suffering. Often it is assumed that the Alzheimer’s patient has no clue what is going on and that they are doing fine. Stop there. Imagine waking up one morning and not knowing where you are or who the people in the house with you are. That must be a terrifying feeling! Gradually, tasks you once did with ease – like cooking a meal, balancing your checkbook or cleaning up the house – are confusing, if not impossible.
Alzheimer’s and dementia start so slowly, they are almost unnoticeable. The brain cells start losing some connections to other cells, making it more difficult to recall little things. As more connections are lost and there is significant death of brain cells, memory loss becomes more pronounced. It can become difficult for that person to understand what people are saying or to find the correct words to express themselves. It is not uncommon as this brain degeneration progresses, for the person to one day get in their car to drive home and then suddenly realize they don’t know how to get home!
Many elderly persons suffering from Alzheimer’s or dementia are afraid to tell their loved ones about the scary changes taking place in their life.They may not know about the death and destruction of brain cells and connections that is going on in their brain, but they certainly do realize the changes occurring in their abilities to do day-to-day functions. Fearing that telling someone about it may make them sound crazy or incapable and not wanting to lose their independence, often they keep their confusion and memory loss a secret as much as possible.
What can be done? How can you help? Stay in close contact with your aging or elderly family members. If you see or speak with them often, you will be able to more easily notice changes in their memory and habits. Ask questions about how they are doing and if you suspect that they are starting to suffer the effects of Alzheimer’s or dementia, encourage them to speak to a doctor about it. Offer to go with them – someone needs to ask the hard questions and take notes of the answers – and if you can’t go yourself, arrange for someone familiar to attend.
Alzheimer’s is a family diagnosis. Let your loved one know they are not alone. There are medications and support groups that can help keep their independence while managing their condition. Learn all you can about the disease, involve other family members and join a support group yourselves. You will need help, too. Above all, stay in close contact with your loved one and be patient with them. They are probably terrified. Wouldn’t you be?
